This is a new script I have made that is for draft 4. Given the fact that I had to change the opening scene, I wrote in a new sequence in a car somewhere mysterious, with the same 3 characters. The rest of the short film will play out the same as draft 3 overall.
[Scene 1]
(In a car, dark
environment) (Slow techno music in the
background)
Man 1: Alex I heard you have a free house on Saturday is that
true?
Alex: Uh yeah man
Man 1: Oh right can we do like a little gathering or
something?
Alex: We could do but we’d have to keep it quite low key, because my dad put a safe upstairs, from all the jewellery from Sunny’s wedding
Man 1: Oh. We better be invited yeah (Looks slightly above the
camera)
Alex: Yeah man off course, course
(End of scene 1,
diegetic music slows down)
[Title sequence]
Atmospheric horror
music begins to play, non diegetic
AB18 Studios Present
Intrusion
(Scene 2)
Two masked thieves are
walking towards the camera and
they stand still and
stare forward at something
Man two pulls out a
corkscrew
Man two clenches his
fist
Both of them walk
across the road to the house, and walk to the gate
They begin to break
into the gate and remove the lock from the door
They kick down the
gate and pick the lock from the back door of the house
Man 1: We need to
go upstairs to the safe
Man 2: Yeah let’s
go
(Scene 3)
Non-diegetic moody,
ambient music changes to similar music, but slower and darker
They begin to walk to
the stairs, once reached they stare up into the darkness at the top of the
stairs
Once up the stairs,
they open the door leading to the safe
They open an
additional door in which the safe is presumed to be
[Scene 4]
Non-diegetic music
stops playing
Straight cut to Alex
in bed hears a loud bang
Alex: What was that?
Thrilling-horror like
score sounds
Alex walks over to the
room, and peers round the corner
He then slowly walks
over the to slightly open door
Man 1 pulls him into
the door
Cut to a shot of man
1, holding the candle to his face (editing changes to a red threshold/added
filters to change the colour) (It’s actually a nightmare of Alex’s)
Alex wakes up from the
nightmare and breathes heavily from the nightmare; he then looks to his right
The two men are
standing there, man one has a knife in his hand, and he then lunges forward and
presumably kills Alex
Film cuts with midway
action of man 1 stabbing Alex
Credits begin to play
out
Directed by Ashley
banger
Staring Aayush Joshi
Starring Ashley Banger
and Alex Patrick-Smith
Edited by Ashley
Banger
Story by Ashley Banger
Director of
photography Benoit Ganesan
Produced by Jamie
Gerrish